Miscarriage support group
By Ruth Schenk | .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)
Jason and Jackie Bragg already had two young children when they went through a miscarriage on July 23, 2010.
It was hard. The young couple, who had chosen the name Elijah for their baby, already wondered if he would look more like their son, Jacob, or have blonde hair like their daughter, Addie.
As they grieved, the Braggs were determined to find purpose in their loss.
But they found that there were not many places to go for support through pregnancy loss, and they began looking for ways to reach out to others.
“After a couple of months, we decided not to let our hurt go, to find purpose in it,” Jackie said.
On Sept. 29, Elijah’s Miracle, a support group for those dealing with miscarriage will begin at Southeast.
It will be informal, for both men and women, and it will focus on hope and healing.
According to Patti Eubanks, who works in Counseling Ministry, couples often call the church for help with grief after miscarriage, but until now, there has not been a place to direct them.
“We had been praying about this a lot,” Jason said. “It’s not like we woke up and said this is the ministry we want to be in. It’s not our choice, but at the same time, we believe it is what
God wants us to do. We believe there are a lot of men and women who aren’t sure how to handle it.”
According to the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists, 10 to 25 percent of all pregnancies end in miscarriage, and there is a grief process that is difficult to navigate.
Jackie said cards and meals helped. Especially meaningful was the card she opened on her due date and the one she received a year later.
“We have great friends and a great family,” Jackie said. “But even then, no one I knew had been through a miscarriage. When you’re going through the grieving process, you need
someone who understands. Sometimes it seemed that people expected us to get up and get going. But to us, we lost a baby. He had a name. We were ready. I needed assurance that the
grief I was feeling was normal.”
Those who took it lightly did not help. Neither did comments that it was God’s will or questions about when they would get pregnant again.
They talked with Michael and Jill Kast, who had been through two devastating losses. Their daughter, Michelle, was stillborn just a week before Jill’s due date, and a son was stillborn at 6
months.
“When you go through this kind of loss, you become part of a club you never wanted to join,” Jill said. “It’s like anything else. If you’re going through cancer, you want to talk with someone
who has survived. When you grieve the loss of a pregnancy, you want to talk with someone who understands. When you have Christian support, it makes a huge difference.”
Jill said the “whys” are impossible to figure out.
“You can’t change your situation, but with help in dealing with it, you can allow your faith to grow,” Jill said. “I want to reassure women that they can end up with a happy ending.”
Over the years, the Kasts have reached out to many couples grieving the loss of a pregnancy. Women also have told her how loss led to divorce. According to USA Today, the likelihood of
breaking up is 22 percent higher for couples who experience miscarriage, and new research finds that loss may cause a breakup even years later.
Jill said she often thinks of a sign in Alaska that says, “Choose your rut carefully, you’ll be there a long time.”
“I think that can describe the grief process,” she said. “You don’t want to get in the wrong rut. I always go back to 2 Cor. 14-5: ‘…the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles,
so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.’”
Jackie said two weeks after the miscarriage she realized that there were three attitudes toward what happened: hope, despair or resentment.
“I chose hope,” she said. “I know Elijah is in heaven, and someday we will see him again.”
Jason hopes this group will be an outreach for those who are looking for answers, whether they attend a church or not.
“Often when you go through hard things, you look for answers,” he said. “We are praying that this will be an opportunity to help couples to run to God, not blame Him, to keep their families
together and their marriages stronger, to provide help for people who don’t know where to turn.”
The Braggs named the support group “Elijah’s Miracle” because of all the miracles God accomplished through the Old Testament prophet.
“Our prayer is that Elijah’s Miracle will give people the miracle of being able to know God and be comforted by Him,” Jackie said.