Allowing God to work
By Ruth Schenk | .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)
The doorbell rang at 4:48 a.m. on June 27 at Lisa and Rick Schardein’s home in Fisherville. A representive from the coroner’s office delivered the worst possible news. Lisa’s
19-year-old son, Ben Koier, had been killed in a head-on crash with a drunk driver just a few minutes from home.
It was hard to believe.
Earlier that night, Ben had been at their house for dinner, bear hugged everyone and told each one how much he loved them before leaving to spend time with friends.
It was the last time they saw him alive.
Devastating news shook the ground under two families that night, but it did not steal their faith.
From the beginning, the Schardeins, as well as Ben’s father, Jeff Koier, and stepmother, Teri Koier, shifted their focus from why the crash happened to what God wanted them to
do next.
The two couples are best friends. When Ben was 3 years old, they decided to raise him together. There would be no “us” or “them,” no mind games or power plays.
Over the years, Jeff took Ben to Saturday Morning Men’s Bible study at the Blankenbaker Campus, and the two served communion together in the balcony on Saturday nights.
Ben was baptized when he was 12, and they were comforted with the fact that Ben knew Jesus.
In dark days after the accident, Jeff held onto Psalm 30:11-12: “You turned my wailing into dancing; you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy, that my heart may sing to you and not be silent. O Lord my God, I will give thanks forever.”
He was determined Ben’s death wouldn’t be turned into an automobile accident, that they would celebrate and commemorate his life rather than simply mourn something they
weren’t prepared to face.
Looking back, both couples believe God prepared them for the hardest day of their lives.
The Sunday night Ben died, Jeff and Teri had been to the Night of Worship at Southeast with the theme, “Beautiful Things.” Part of the song says, “You make beautiful things out
of the dust. You make beautiful things out of us.”
All four parents held onto the promise of Rom. 8:28 that God would make something beautiful in the brokenness of their loss. As they looked for the meaning of Ben’s death,
they focused on hundreds of Ben’s friends who filled the funeral home. Many of their lives were broken by life challenges. Over the years, the Schardein family’s 17-acre farm
had been a frequent hangout, and Ben’s friends were as close as extended family.
Those friends saw Ben’s faith lived out in real life.
“Ben was the loving one,” said close family friend Karen McQuade. “He was the one who encouraged us as parents. He was a faithful friend, a gentle giant who loved kids, his
family and his friends.”
Mark Sarlls saw raw grief when he met with the family after Ben’s death.
“I can honestly say I have never seen so much emotional pain,” he said. “And to witness the strength that their faith gave them was inspiring. I hope someday I have that kind of
faith. I just pray it’s not tested in the way they were tested.”
Before the funeral service, Lisa asked Teaching Minister Kyle Idleman to make “He makes beautiful things out of dust” the theme of Ben’s funeral and to include an invitation to follow Christ and be baptized.
The Koiers and Schardeins asked Ben’s friends to come to the Schardein farm for a Bible study on Sunday nights. They started with the basics of sin, sacrifice and forgiveness.
As Rick saw that they were anxious to make decisions to follow Christ, he fast-forwarded to a lesson on baptism so each one would understand what it meant.
The list of those wanting to be baptized grew each day as those who gathered at the study asked to be baptized on Ben’s twentieth birthday, Aug. 6. The Schardeins and Koiers
rejoiced in each one.
“We kept seeing them coming and coming and tears of gratitude for what God was doing poured down our faces,” Jeff said.
Soon, there were 10. Ben’s brother, Spencer Schardein, an Air Force Academy graduate in pilot training, counseled with New Member Minister Don Waddell via Skype. Ben’s
sisters Amanda Koier Sayles and Sarah Schardein Burton also asked to be baptized.
The group filled the baptistery on Saturday, Aug.6. Idleman told Ben’s story and how God was making something beautiful out of a tragic situation. Rick and Jeff baptized one
after another as Lisa and Teri watched from their seats in the sanctuary.
Lisa said it was an incredible way to celebrate Ben’s birthday.
“I believe the angels threw Ben a heck of a birthday party,” she said.
Ben’s parents and stepparents knew Ben was loved, but they had no idea how much until they were surrounded by hundreds of his friends at the funeral home.
Friends told stories of his faithfulness. Parents of his friends told Ben’s family how he stopped by just to talk with them.
Then there were the children.
“Ben had a real gift with children,” said Ben’s dad, Jeff Koier.
Some called him “gentle Ben.”
Going through school, Ben battled attention deficit disorder. Despite his challenges, he graduated from Trinity High School and went to Western Kentucky University. His real
love, though, was working on cars.
Ben liked to check in at home and rarely missed a family celebration. When he saw Jeff at Southeast, Ben was not ashamed to say, “I love you,” in front of his friends.
“I miss Ben like crazy,” his mom Lisa Schardein said. “Bad moments come, but the bottom line is I trust God through it, and I love how He is using Ben to change lives. I know
where Ben is, and I’m comforted with that. My concern now is all these young people who don’t’ know Jesus.”
Two-part harmony
Step parenting is not always easy.
The Schardeins and Koiers chose early on to raise Ben together.
Lisa Schardein, Ben’s mom, and Teri Koier, Ben’s stepmom, often went to parent teacher conferences together.
“That really messed people up,” Lisa said. They sat together at soccer games, sent each other Mother’s Day gifts and birthday gifts. One card Lisa sent Teri said, “Thank you for
taking care of my son.”
One night, when Ben wanted to go to a DC Talk concert with a friend, both couples went along on a double date.
Lisa and her husband, Rick, called themselves “Creastors,” going to church at Christmas and Easter, while Ben went to Southeast each week with Jeff and Teri.
Life changed in 2007 when Teri invited Lisa to hear speaker and writer Liz Curtis Higgs at the fall kickoff for Women’s Ministry.
“That was it for me,” Lisa said. “I knew that was what Rick and I needed in our lives.”
The two couples mourn Ben’s death together, and together they lead the Bible study with Ben’s friends.
“We believe all that has happened is a beginning,” Lisa said.
From the beginning, the Schardeins and Koiers knew they would have to forgive 38-year-old Melissa Graham, the woman who crashed into Ben early on June 26.
As details of the accident unfolded, Lisa sat down for an interview with WHAS-TV. She was nervous but prayed for the right words. The room was packed with Ben’s friends.
When asked about Graham, Lisa said that she already had forgiven her. She had been praying for days that forgiveness would be more than a word and awakened that
morning knowing she had no bitterness toward her.
“I believe she had her demons,” Lisa said. “And I believe that God allowed it to happen, and we need to learn from it.”
When asked what she wanted to come from Ben’s death, Lisa said, “I want to see every one of these kids get saved and be in heaven with Ben someday.”
Teri listened to the interview.
“I got the Holy Ghost goose bumps, ” she said.
Since Ben’s death, Lisa has gone to see many of Ben’s friends.
“You have a second chance,” she told them. “We won’t see Ben again here, but I want you to see him in heaven.”